Saturday, November 21, 2009

They are finally here!!!

I've been slacking on my blog. I really need to post more often but I forget and get busy with other things in life, like.....Scouts, physical therapy, work, family.
My sister-in-law, Carrie, just gave birth this afternoon to twin boys, James and William. James was 6 lbs. and 9 oz. and William was 4 lbs. and 11 oz. Steve and I just tripled the amount of nephews we have on his side of the family. We went from only Daniel to Daniel and his two baby brothers. My mother-in-law and Father-in-law, Dale and Babara, just doubled the amount of grandkids they currently have. I am so excited for Carrie and Tim. Carrie and the boys should be home in time for us to see them on Thanksgiving. Steven and I decided to split our time spending Thanksgiving with family in three. Last year we spent with my family, this year with Tim and Carrie and next year with Steve's parents. That way Hunter will get a chance to go to a different place every time we have him for Thanksgiving. We get Hunter for Thanksgiving on the years that end in an even number.
I can't wait to go up for Thanksgiving and be able to see the babies. There will be so many people there that it may be difficult to be able to spend a lot of time with either of them. The twins are doing very well and within a few hours of being born were in the room with Carrie and she was trying to breastfeed them. I am so thankful that they arrived before we got up there and that both of them are healthy.
Now....I wonder who will be the next couple to have a child. On my side of the family I have a divorced sister who is not planning on any more kids right now, a sister-in-law who has had a hysterectomy and a sister-in-law that is done having kids. On Steve's side of the family he has another sister who is currently not planning on having any kids, but his younger brother and his wife are probably going to start trying soon.
So...unless Steve and I are next my guess would be Brad and Camille will be the next to have a kid.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Were my eyes deceivingme?

I was driving home from an appointment with my doctor when I saw the strangest thing. I actually did a double-take. I saw a couple walking their dog (normal right?) the right behind them was a guy walking his.........................................................................................................................................
.................................................................................................................................................................... goat! Weirdest thing I've seen for a while. It actually made me LOL!!!!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

One day closer to the weekend....

Steve and I watched tonight's episode of "So You Think You Can Dance" (SYTYCD) and we're so excited about this season! I don't think that out of the dancers who were left, any of my favorites were cut. A lot of the dancers that I liked made it! Steve and I can't wait for the next episode with their first dances.

Steve and I have this fun game we play. We have a small plastic bee that we named "Barnabee." We hide him all over the apartment trying to scare each other. Steve has not gotten me once, yet. I, on the other hand, have gotten him almost every time I've tried. I love it and it makes me laugh when I hear Steve yell a little because he found Barnabee in his bathroom sink. (I found Barnabee in my bathroom sink first but just laughed and put him in Steve's bathroom). Here are a few pictures of Barnabee:

I can't remember where we got Barnabee but we used to have his cousin, a large plastic ant. We never named him but Steve did scare me with it once. I was going to the bathroom in the middle of the night and it looked like a shadow of an ant and it scared me, but so far that's the only time I've gotten scared. I think the ant started the whole "scare-ing" game we are now playing with Barnabee. I think the ant was thrown out before we moved but somehow the bee came with us. It's nice innocent fun that makes me laugh and Steve laughs too whenever I get him again. Life is good.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Too many little time (and talent)

Steve and I just finished watching "Ultimate Cake Off" tonight on TLC. It's a show where three teams of cake decorators make a cake in 9 hours. Tonight they had to make a cake for Ringling Brother's Barnum and Bailey Circus, it had to have all elements of the circus, and be at least 5 feet tall. It was so much fun to watch and see the different types of cakes the teams made. I really wish that I was that artistic that I could make awesome cakes like that.

I also love watching "Ace of Cakes" and seeing the cakes they make. Duff is hilarious and very talented. I want a Charm City cake, but don't want to pay the minimum $1,000 they require for their cakes and I can't go to Baltimore to pick it up and Utah is too far for them to deliver. :(

I've also been finding many blogs dedicated to photography (Sarah's Photography page and another photography page I found) I have a digital camera that is good but probably not good enough to become a photographer. My cute Sony Cyber-shot is a 12.1 megapixel, which was one of the highest megapixel point and shoot cameras I found in my price range. I really would like to have a camera where I can change lenses and actually have more professional looking pictures.

In Steve's family I am the party camerawoman. Since I almost always take my camera with me everywhere I go I can use it to get pictures of someone blowing out candles on their cake, or opening presents. I love taking nature pictures and pictures of weddings, but I'm nowhere close to being able to do this as a side job. Luckily since I've gone to many weddings recently and seen the different photographers styles I have many ideas for if I do ever do it professionally. In one picture at my sister-in-law's wedding she was holding her dad's wallet with credit cards and money fanned out in front and giving her dad a kiss on the cheek while he had a surprised look on his face. It turned out really cute.

There are so many things that I would love to do but unfortunately I don't think I have the talent for even half of my interests. When I was younger I wanted to be an actress (not anymore with the way Hollywood is), a mom (still trying on that one), a writer (still love to write and maybe one day I'll actually finish a whole book), a singer (only in the shower) and a princess (unless Steve's a prince and never told me I don't think that I'll ever be a princess).

Oh yeah! I remember when I was in second grade my teacher (Mrs. Yeck) asked us to draw a picture of what we wanted to be when we grew up. I drew a picture of me being rich and living in a mansion. That's what I wanted to be, rich. But if you looked at the picture you could see not only myself looking out the window but different people looking out most of the windows. I wanted to be rich and live in a mansion so I could have homeless people live with me. Ahhh, to be a child again and be so sweet and innocent.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Long and busy day

Today Steve and I went to lunch and movie with my best friend, Andrea. We saw "Surrogates" with Bruce Willis. It was really good and we all liked it. Afterward we dropped Andrea off at her car and went to Dollar Tree to buy Halloween decorations. After that we went grocery shopping. When we got home we brought in the groceries and I started pulling the cold stuff out so Steve could put everything in the fridge and freezer. I put a heavy bag with cans of food on top of the stove so Steve could arrange them in the food storage the way he wanted it.

Steve was getting the last few cans out of the bag and he got a scared look on his face as he looked in the bottom of the grocery bag. I figured Steve found something like a dead bug and was going to scare me with it. Then he asked me to look at my wedding ring. This is what I saw:

My wedding ring had broken!!!! Luckily the "bug" I thought Steve was going to scare me with was actually my diamond.

We went to the mall to buy a temporary replacement (fake at "Icing by Claire's) and then bought me some new pants at Lane Bryant.

Hopefully my ring cn be repaired soon...I miss wearing it already.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

I hate thinking of titles for my posts

I've been going to physical therapy for a little over a week now and I really like the Physical Therapy office I go to. I kind of don't want to stop going. Everyone in the office is easy to talk to and really nice. I had another PT visit tonight and have another visit on Friday night. Luckily they are close to work and home.

Thursday, October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Everyone is invited to light a candle at 7pm all over the world in loving memory of babies gone too soon and their families. My cousin Emalee lost her baby boy Kenner on November 13, 2008. I lost my baby at 11 weeks back on March 10, 2008. My mom lost my sister Angel at seven months on June 14, 1982. I've known so many people who have lost babies before they were born. I've known a few people who got to keep their babies for a while before they were taken back to heaven. My heart aches for all those people who've lost babies.

I still remember, like it was yesterday, the feelings I had while going through the miscarriage. I kept feeling like it was a dream and everything would be okay and I would go home and still be pregnant. I lost so much blood they almost gave me a blood transfusion. I was so pale, and since I'm already anemic it just made it worse. I wish that no one, including my worst enemy (which I don't really have one, but you know what I mean) would have to suffer through that horrible experience.

One minute you're excited about being a mother, and bringing home your baby to the new nursery (we never got that far) and the next you're mourning the loss of something that can never be replaced. I often think of my miscarriage and wonder if I'm "lucky" to have lost the baby so early in the pregnancy so I had less of a chance of feeling the baby move and bonding with it. On the other hand I hate calling my baby an "It". I wish that I would have known the gender of the baby I lost. I wish I could have given it a name and had something to bury. I need that closure but was unable to get it.

The weird thing about losing the baby so early and not knowing the gender of the baby is that I had a feeling it was a boy and even though we had never thought of it as a name we wanted to name our baby I felt that the baby's name should have been Cameron. No clue why, it's just a feeling.

Don't forget to light a candle tomorrow night at 7 PM. Remember the babies that have been lost.

Friday, October 9, 2009

The weekend is finally here!!!!

I love the weekend and it's finally here!!!

We have Hailey and Jaxon here for a sleepover with Hunter. Hunter really misses his cousins and when we were in Ogden it was difficult to get together with my siblings and their kids. Violet came over for a bit and when it was time for her to leave she didn't want to. Missee had to carry her out the door crying. I so wanted to let her stay the night also, but it wouldn't have worked. I love my nieces and nephews.

I had my third physical therapy appointment today. I love the office that I go to. Even though they make me do exercises that make my ankle hurt, I love them! I enjoy talking with the people that work there. I hope my ankle heals well and I wont have to live with this pain for the rest of my life. I often hide it when I'm in pain or sick. I don't want to be a whiner or make people think that I am just wanting attention. I sometimes feel that people think that I'm faking or exaggerating my ankle pain, but it is real. I hope that the pain lessens but that I can continue to go to the PT clinic. One of the Physical Therapist looks like a shorter brunette Andre Kirilenko (Utah Jazz player if you don't know.)

Oh! I'm having a Pampered Chef party on the 15th (I LOVE PAMPERED CHEF!!!) and if you want to come, let me know or you can order online at: and select my name (Raegan Schultz) as the hostess. THANKS!!!!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Catching up!!!

I just spent the past 45 minutes or so catching up with two of the coolest people! First I tried calling my friend Sam but got her voicemail. I hate leaving messages (but I hate when people don't leave me a message...go figure) so I hung up and tried calling another friend.

I called Steve's cousin Cheryl, who moved with her husband, Mitch, to Portland in June. She answered and I said 'Hi" and she said "Can I help you?" Then I remembered that I had recently changed my phone number and she didn't know who I was. We laughed about that, but now she has my number. We talked for about 15 minutes catching up. We hadn't talked since they moved to P******d (That place is a swear word for me, sorry about typing it earlier).

Then I was about to turn off my phone when I got a call. It was my really good friend, Samatha (I know it's spelled wrong, I did that on purpose. That's my nickname for her). We talked for about 30 minutes, it was sooooo good to catch up with her. Steve is always telling me how much he likes Sam, which I have to agree. I noticed tonight, after hanging up with Sam, that every time I talk to her I get a huge grin on my face. Sam is just one of the sweetest people I know. I have said for years that if my whole family died I would want Sam's family, the Parker family, to adopt me. I know that I may be too old to be adopted but I would just become a part of their family. Her parents are awesome and so are her siblings. Ryan has been a really good friend to my younger sister, Missee, when she really needed a friend. Breanna has always been a sweetheart. I love Debbie (her mom) and her cute accent. Tex is an awesome home teacher to my family and he has been there for me when I needed a blessing to get through some really hard times, Ammon helped him with the blessing and he's an awesome guy. I don't know Jonathan and Michael as well as the rest of the family, but since their Parkers they have to be awesome!

I am so blessed to have so many good and loyal friends. Those people who stood by me through my miscarriage, Steve's hospitalization, and other hard times in my life.

The best of friends are the ones who make you smile, when you really need to smile, lend you a shoulder to cry on and treat you as if you are family.

Thanks Sam and Cheryl for being true friends.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Busy day

Today was a busy day. We started out getting on Trax to Spring Mobile Ballpark for NAMIWalks for the Mind of America. Steve, Hunter and some other members of my family walked the 5K today. I was not able to because of my sprained ankle (I need to go to physical therapy but.....I don't go). It was a lot of fun and it was awesome seeing so many people there who wanted to help out NAMI's yearly fundraiser. After Steve and Hunter got back we left and got back onto Trax for the ride home, well the ride to the Trax station where we left the car. Steve had heard about Granite Furniture having a sale on Microfiber couches for $299! We went and looked and ended up buying one! We haven't had a couch since we moved out of our place in Ogden. Steve put it out on the front curb with a sign saying "Free" on it. It was gone within 18 hours!

It has been a difficult time living here without a couch. Whenever we have guests over we had to use the kitchen chairs and the computer chair. Not the best for when we had more than just us here. I never thought I would be so excited about having a couch! Granite told us that they could deliver it by 5 pm TODAY!!! Well they got here about 4 and we now have a couch!!!!!! It's sad that something like a couch would make me so happy, but then again getting a new Barbie doll when I was little was something really exciting. Because of the protectant they put on the couch for us we can't sit on it for a few hours so we're going to go see "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs"! What a fun day today has been!

Monday, September 21, 2009

Anniversary weekend

This past weekend was wonderful. First, Steve and I went to Sizzler on Friday night, as the beginning of our Anniversary weekend. It was a good dinner, but we were both stuffed. Steve kept trying to get me to open my anniversary gifts from him and amazingly enough I resisted! Normally I'm the same, trying to give people their gifts early, but I was able to resist.

We woke up early Saturday morning (Steve woke up and he kind of woke me up) and exchanged gifts. Steve didn't like the $1 Spiderman watch that I gave him. At least he loved the (much nicer) Coleman watch I also got for him. I guess Hunter will have a new watch now ;) Steve loved the photo book I made for him at It was really cool.

Steve gave me a new backpack, a really nice one. He also gave me an alarm clock (which I did ask for). That might sound like the most unromantic gifts someone can give to their wife but he had one more gift for me. He booked us a room at Castle Creek Bed and Breakfast for Saturday night! We stayed in the "Garden Suite" and it was beautiful and wonderful!

We went to lunch at Texas Roadhouse, it was awesome food - I LOVE THEIR ROLLS!!! Then Steve and I went to see "The Time Traveler's Wife" and I cried at the end (I'm such a softy that I cry over almost everything). After the movie was over we were able to check into our room at Castle Creek.

The next morning (which was our actual anniversary) we got ready, had a wonderful breakfast at Castle Creek, went to church, went to a BBQ at my grandparent's house, then went to my parent's house to hang out with them for a bit, then finally we were able to go home.

It was a wonderful weekend and I can't believe that Steve and I have been married for 3 years already! We've surpassed how long Steve and his ex-wife were married. They were basically married from December 2001 until September 2003 when they separated. Even though their divorce was not final until 2005 their marriage was basically over in September 2003.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Happy 94th Birthday Grandma!!!

If my Grandma Maurer was still alive today (she died January 1, 2002) she would have been turning 94 years old today! I miss her and still think of her often. When I had my endowments taken out I did it on her 91st birthday (if she had been alive of course). I had some temple clothes that had been hers so I felt very close to her that day. I have two "grandma blankets" that I don't let anyone, not even my husband, use. One was the blanket that was on my grandma's bed at her house when she died. Shortly after she died we went to her house to take things to remember her by and I took her blanket and then later I got another of her blankets from my mom. I feel closer to her when I use them. They are a comfort to me. I really miss my grandma and wish my husband could have met her. She was an awesome, talented, loving, wonderful, beautiful person who I love a lot.

Happy birthday Grandma! I love you!


My mom has to get rid of her dog Humphrey and she's having a really hard time with it.
Last Saturday my mom was in the kitchen while Hailey, Jaxon and Violet were in a nearby room with the guinea pigs that belong to my mom and Violet. Humphrey (mom's dog) was let into the room after being outside and went towards the guinea pig's cage. He started digging at the cage and trying to get to the guinea pigs and he was very determined to get them out of their cage. Jaxon picked Humphrey up to move him so they could move the cages out of his way and Humphrey just snapped and attacked Jax. He bit him on the top of his head and Jaxon was putting Humphrey down while he was being bit. My mom got there right after Jaxon had out Humphrey down and found his head covered in blood (head wounds bleed BAD). Jax was crying and upset so he yelled at the dog. Mindi came upstairs and found out what happened. She cleaned Jax's wound after they had stopped the bleeding. Then she used scissors and cut Jax's hair around the wound (only after Dustin cut his hair first since Jax didn't want to). When they took Jax to the ER the ER docs complimented Mindi on how well she cleaned the wound and thanked her for cutting his hair since the biggest problem the ER has in those situations is having to cut kids hair to do stiches.

Even though Humphrey has never done anything like this, even when Violet (as a 2 year old usually does) tortures him. My mom realized that she can't risk having something like this happen again with Humphrey and since her grandkids are more important to her (which they should be) she should get rid of her dog. She also told B.J. he needed to get rid of his dog (Ogre a LARGE pit bull) when he (accidently) bit BJ.

The really sad thing is that the next day when Minid was taking Jax to buy him a new game she found him sitting next to Humphrey's kennel talking to Humphrey and apologizing for yelling at him. He told his mom that he feels bad for yelling at Humphrey since he didn't know any better.

If we could afford the pet deposit and extra pet rent per month we would take Humphrey to our place. He needs to go to a home with no other animals, except maybe a female dog. He doesn't do well with male dogs or other small animals.

I just want to cry for my mom. She really loves this dog and she'll be sad when he's gone.

I know that Violet will miss "Humphee" too. She chases him around the house calling him either Humphee of Humvee, not sure which.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

I was just checking the list of Blogs that I am currently following. I noticed that the majority of them haven't been updated recently. I found one that hasn't had a post for 6 months, another was 5 and so on. I thought..."They need to update their blogs more often".

Excuse me while I go look in the mirror ;)

I am ALWAYS saying I'll post more, but I forget all the time. Now that Steve and I have moved to Sandy and my commute is only 5 minutes I'll have more time to be able to post. THat of course doesn't mean that I'l post, it just means I'l have more time. ;)

Suicide should never be an option!

I listen to 97.1 ZHT Morning Zoo every weekday morning. I love the DJs and the stuff they talk about is interesting. Yesterday they talked about a friend of the show who was in a therapy session with her daughter and the therapist said something horrible to the daughter. The daughter is in her 20's and was sexually abused by a family member when younger. She has attempted suicide on multiple occassions. The therapist was prescribing her some medication to help her and she asked him "What do I do if this medication doesn't work. " The therapist completley serious tells her "If they don't work then you take 20 of these pills and kill yourself." WHAT!!!!! This girl is now inpatient at some mental health facility on suicide watch. That "doctor" should have his license revoked!!!!!

When I was 9 my cousin committed suicide. He was 30 years old and he died the day before his 31 birthday. Since I was so young my mom didn't tell me the actual cause of death. She told me a few years later when I was a teenager. I also have other family members that have attempted suicide. I myself have contemplated it in the past. Suicide is a permanent solution for temporary problems. I wich no one would ever put their friends and family through the pain and anguish of a suicide.

Because of this issue that recently came up on the radio station's morning show I am going to tell you about an upcoming event that I am participating in that is both very important and very exciting to me. It is NAMIWalks for the Mind of America, NAMI’s signature walkathon event that is being held in Salt Lake City, UT at Spring Mobile Ballpark (was Franklin Covey Field) on September 26, 2009.

I would like to ask you to come and walk with me or to donate to support my participation in this great event. Visit my personal walker page to sign up: It features a link to my team's page there where you can see who else is walking with me. There is also a link so you can donate directly to me online. Donating online is fast and secure, and I'll get immediate notification via e-mail of your donation.

NAMI, the Nation’s Voice on Mental Illness, formerly the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill, is the largest education, support and advocacy organization that serves the needs of all those whose lives are touched by these illnesses. This includes persons with mental illness, their families, friends, employers, the law enforcement community and policy makers. The NAMI organization is composed of approximately 1100 local affiliates, 50 state offices and a national office.

The goals of the NAMIWalks program are: to fight the stigma that surrounds mental illness, to build awareness of the fact that the mental health system in this country needs to be improved and to raise funds for NAMI so that they can continue their mission.

NAMI is a 501(c)3 charity and any donation you make to support my participation in this event is tax deductible. NAMI has been rated by Worth magazine as among the top 100 charities "most likely to save the world" and has been given an "A+" rating by The American Institute of Philanthropy for efficient and effective use of charitable dollars. NAMI has also been given 4 out of 4 stars by The Charity Navigator for short-term spending practices and long-term sustainability.

Thank you in advance for your support.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009


As a preface to my next entry I have to apologize to everyone who reads this that loves or lives in Portland.

I HATE PORTLAND!!!!! I have had a bad relationship with Oregon for most my life, mostly Portland.

In the 90's my best friend and her family moved to Tillamook, Oregon.

Then about 5 - 10 years ago my mom's cousin Sharon and her family moved to Portland. I was really close with Sharon and used to babysit for her and her husband all the time. I would drive by just to visit with Sharon all the time, which was easy when she lived in Sandy. Portland is a bit of a drive.

At the end of May some really close friends of ours (Steve and I), who also happen to be Steve's cousin, Cheryl, and her husband , Mitch, moved to Portland also.

My best friend, Andrea, always talks about moving to Portland since her mom lives there and also she loves it there.

Now Portland has began stalking me! For Mothers Day Steve and Hunter got me a gift card to Deseret Book. When I went to use it they had their discount Lagoon ticket promotion if you bought specific items. I bought a Rachel Ann Nunes (one of my favorite LDS authors) book that would give us 3 tickets to Lagoon (we did use them and had a lot of fun with Hunter). When I started reading the book I realized it was about a girl who was moving to.......PORTLAND!!!!

If anyone talks to Portland, can you please ask it to leave me alone and return all my friends and loved ones it has stolen from me?


I promised my friend Sam I'd update

I've been so busy lately with vacations (Bear Lake and Camping at Tanners Flat in Little Cottonwood Canyon) , working overtime, and getting ready to move.
We are finally moving closer to my work! We weren't planning on moving so soon, but our landlord let us out of our lease early. We were able to find a two bedroom two bathroom apartment in Sandy about 1.5 miles from my work. I am happy about the move but I will hate to leave the neighborhood, ward and my in-laws. I currently live about a mile away from my in-laws and it's awesome being so close to them so we can go over as often as we like. I will miss that but I wont miss the over one hour commute everyday to work and the over an hour and a half commute on the way home.
I hate moving and wish I could pay someone to come and pack us up and move us all in to our new place. There are companies that do that but unfortunately they charge way too much money. I will be SOOOO happy when we finally settle in to our new place.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Harry Potter saga

I was one of the MILLIONS of people who saw "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince" on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. I went with my mom, sister Missee, niece Hailey and Missee's friend Stacey. We went to Jordan Commons in Sandy to see it, and they had a party beforehand that was supposed to be Hogsmeade. The Hogle Zoo was there with some animals (I saw a snake --EWWWW and an owl - really cute owl that lost one eye while in the wild and was resuced by the Zoo). There were people who had tables set up who were selling "wands", charms, buttons and more. They had a room wherer you could buy butterbeer (cream soda with butterschotch) and cauldron cakes (chocolate hostess type cakes).

I really wished I had taken my camera as there were so many cute and funny costumes that people were wearing. There was a girl who wearing all gold and then had a swimmers cap on (also gold) that had some small wings on it - she was the golden snitch. She was with a guy who was wearing a normal outfit but had felt letters going sideways down his shirt that said firebolt. Then he had on these elastic grass "skirts" that went around each leg. It was HILARIOUS!!!!

The movie was AWESOME!!!!!! It was soo good and I am so excited for the two movies about the seventh book. It should be really good. I did cry - A LOT - at the end of the sixth movie. Even though the movie was not extremely close to the book and there were a few things I wished they had done differently in the movie.

The movie started at 12:20 am and it got out around 3 am. We got out of the parking lot pretty quickly and got back to my parent's house by 3:30. When we got to my parent's house we realized that neither Missee, my mom nor I remember to bring keys with us. My dad had locked the door and gone to bed. Missee tried to break in the the house the way my brother's Derek and BJ did when they snuck out while teenagers. Unfortunately one of them damaged the way to sneak in so Missee was not able to get in that way. Luckily my dad heard my mom pounding on the door so he was able to wake up and let us in!

It was a long day that started around 6 am Tuesday morning and ended about 4 am Wednesday morning. I had a hard day Wednesday at work as I had only gotten about 3-4 hours of sleep. It was all worth it -- seeing Harry Potter on opening morning.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Aging SUCKS!

My birthday is getting closer and closer and I'm dreading it more every day. Last year, when I turned 30, it was just about my worst birthday ever. I only had 3 people wish me a happy birhday - 1 co-worker, my mom and husband. It was almost 2 months after my miscarriage and I was mourning that loss. I was hoping that I would be pregnant by then and when I wasn't it just made me more depressed.
Every year as I grow older I am getting less likely to get pregnant. It gets more and more difficult to get pregnant every year after 30. I've wanted to be a mom since I was 5 and the chance that it might never happen really scares me.
I hate getting older.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Not wanting it to end......

I just finished reading the seventh Harry Potter book. I started from book one and read them all to book seven. The first time I read book seven I went through a grieving process as I realized that there would be no more Harry Poter books to look forward to reading, no books to stay up all night reading from front to back, no more exciting adventures of Harry, Ron and Hermoine. I just felt a little like that again after finishing the book again. I remember that my mom, sister and I would wait everytime a new was being released and becoming more and more excited for it to be released. Then we would have to decide who got to read it first, second and last. Missee was supposed to read the sixth book first but she had started reading the series over again and was not even halfway through the fifth book. I decided to read the sixth book right when we got it so I could finish before she was ready to read it. Missee and I picked up the book at the midnight sale and got home with it by about 1. I started reading the book as soon as we got home and read through the night/early morning (only falling alseep for a few minutes at a time but not too often). I ended up finishing the book around 11 am the next morning. That was the first time I had ever had an energy drink. I was so tired but knew I couldn't sleep until that night or I would throw off my sleep schedule. Dustin and Mindi bought me a LARGE energy drink. I drank it with some difficuly (too sugary) and stayed awake until that night when I was able to sleep.

I miss Harry Potter......

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Big Love

I don't subscribe to HBO or watch the show "Big Love" but my dad and sister do. When I heard about the episode that was to show parts of a Temple Endowment ceremony I was understandably upset, being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I didn't want to watch the show, but since my sister TiVos the show she had my mom and I watch the parts in question.

I felt sick to my stomach watching it. They showed parts of a VERY sacred religious ceremony that is very dear to myself and other members of my faith. HBO said that showing the Temple ceremony was important to the storyline. I felt that it wasn't. If they wanted to show the things but not have any words it may have offended me less. One funny thing was that the character who went through the temple (Jeanne Tripplehorn's character) and her mother and sister were told that their 15 minutes in the Celestial Room were up.

The major problem I had with them showing parts of the ceremony was that for non-members it would be out of context. The show wasn't able to convey the feelings you get while in the Temple.

I've thought a lot about this and realized that it is similar to a part from the movie "My Cousin Vinny". In it Ralph Macchio's character is asked when he shot the clerk and he replies in disbelief "I shot the clerk? I shot the clerk?" When that statement is read into record during the trial it sounded like he was confessing. His words were taken out of context the same as the Temple Endowment ceremony could be taken out of context by non-members.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


Steve is finally home! He was discharged from the Residential Unit on Monday. This has been a hard time for both of us but I know that our marriage will just get stronger from this experience.

Before Steve went into the hospital in December we both decided to pray about if we needed to move closer to my work (South Jordan) or stay were we are. Steve said that his answer was to stay in Ogden. I was torn, I love our place and our neighborhood but didn't like being away from my husband for 15 hours a day Monday through Friday. I had been praying about it but no answer. When Steve was admitted to the hospital I realized that I had gotten my answer. Because of my long commute everyday I wasn't home long enough after work before I had to go to bed. Because of the little amount of time that Steve and I spent together during the week I didn't notice the signs. If I would have been home longer every night I could have possibly figured out what was going on and stopped it before it went as far as hospitalization. It is one of my greatest regrets. I feel that I am a horrible wife for not noticing what was going on with him (lack of sleep, aggitation, oneriness) .

I have an appointment with a counselor on Monday after work. Hopefully it will help with my guilt and depression.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009 it here yet?

Steve gets to come home for the weekend on Thursday and doesn't have to go back until Sunday night. He may possibly be discharged next weekend or the weekend after. I'm really excited for him to be home for good, but I can patiently wait for the next couple of weeks to come.
Last weekend we got to spend time with Hunter. We took him to my nephew's, Russell, birthday party at Jungle Jim's Playland. It was a lot of fun and tiring at the same time. My niece, Violet, fell asleep on one of the rides, it was adorable!
I am trying to take some time off next week so I don't have to be to work on the one year anniversary of my miscarriage. I'm afraid that I'll be too emotional to work. I made an journal right after it happened so that I would have the entire experience down on paper (the reasoning was that if it was on the paper it wouldn't be inside me anymore and I could heal). I still remember certain things vividly. The worst was that after I realized that I was losing the baby I tried to call my mom. I figure that since I had stopped crying I would be able to tell her what was going on. Fat chance. I told her and started sobbing so I had to get off the phone.
I actually could have died if I hadn't gone to the ER. I was losing so much blood that I had to have a D&C. The OB/GYN said that my body was trying to "get rid" of everything and there was something that was not being "flushed out" so I would have bled to death. I almost had to have a blood transfusion. Steve sat there thinking that he was watching me die. Because of the large amount of blood that I lost I was VERY weak and it took SOOOO much energy to get up and walk the 25 feet to the bathroom.
Sorry if this was too graphic for some, but it is a little therapeutic to write this kind of stuff down.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Not fun

I'm so not having fun right now. It's been almost a year since I suffered my miscarriage, Steve's still not home, work is just plain sucks right now.

Monday, February 23, 2009

24...and more

My parents and sister are OBSESSED with 24. I would like to get involved in watching it is TOOOOOO intense to handle. My parents and sister are watching the show right now and it's really intense. I could not handle watching this every week. I would have to watch the entire season in one sitting. I don't think that I would even be able to take a bathroom break.

I've got my mom and sister to watch Charmed! Missee already liked it but my mom resisted. We finally got her to watch the show and she's actually kind of enjoying it so far. We are currently in the middle of the third season. Only half a season left before Prue dies....... I really didn't like the character of Prue as much as Phoebe and Piper. I love the show though, and wish it wasn't over.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

The weekend is over....

I had a good weekend with Steve. He's getting better everyday. We were able to see Tim (Steve's brother-in-law), Carrie (Steve's sister) and Daniel (Tim and Carrie's son). Steve had so much fun playing with Daniel. He was so cute with Daniel and Daniel was sad when we left. It made Steve miss his son Hunter even more.

I don't want to work tomorrow, but unfortunately I have to. I hate waking up early, I am such a night owl that I hate waking up so early. Hopefully work will go by quickly tomorrow.

Friday, February 20, 2009

The weekend is FINALLY here

Steve gets to come home for an overnight visit tomorrow! I am so excited, I just wish that he was coming home for good, but I know that he's not ready t come home yet. Soon, but not yet.

I had dinner at Roosters with Brad, Camille, Barbara, Carrie, Tim and Daniel. It was really nice and I had a lot of fun with them. I just wish Steve could have been there. Daniel is so cute, he kept asking for a cheeseburger and then when he finally got it he ate the pickles and a few fries. He's over 2 years old, but he looks and talks like he's 3 years old.

Our Christmas tree is still up and I'm thinking Steve and I will take it down on Sunday. I wanted to keep it up until Steve came home and we could have Christmas with Hunter but I think it's time for it to come down. I'll miss the tree but it's time.
Publish Post


I got our Tax refund deposited today! I used the ENTIRE amount to pay down the credit card. We were thinking we were going to get more money back, but we got less than expected. At least we have a lower balance on the card. It is much better to pay down the card and have less interest than to use the refund for something fun and impractical. Oh well.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

I'm a little pissed....

At my work, just outside the office on the second, third and fourth floors are these notice boards. They post the open positions, any news that the company feels that we need to know and some different things that give interesting information on different things. I noticed yesterday they have a new notice on the board that is to inform everyone to keep a good look out for anyone in the work area that doesn't belong. It says: "There have been times at other workplaces where people suffering from delusions and other types of mental illnesses have wreaked havoc through threats and violent acts including multiple homicides. They sometimes appear anxious, paranoid or in a rage. Other times they may appear calm and look perfectly normal."

WHAT THE HECK??????????????

I am so ticked off about this notice. They make it seem like everyone with a mental illness is dangerous and capable of murder. I know a lot of people who have mental illnesses, and I mean A LOT, and none of them are dangerous. Even if they have paranoia it doesn't make them violent. Many people with mental illnesses actually withdraw from the world and are the least likely people to become violent.


People need to become educated on mental illness. Yeah some people with mental illnesses can become violent, but saying most of them are is like saying "All criminals are guilty" or "All Blondes are dumb". That simply is not true and I wish people would get more involved with learning about mental illness and stop being so scared of it.
Want to know more about mental illness? Go to


I am soooo not a morning person! I wish I was since I have to be to work by 8 everyday (Monday through Friday). I wish I wasn't such a night owl, it would be so much easier to get up for work the next morning if I went to bed at a decent time.
If I was at my house I most likely would go to sleep much earlier, but at my parents house with all the chaos and because I'm sleeping on the couch in the living room, it's difficult to go to sleep as early as I need to. I'm thinking of going to my old room to sleep since it's in the basement and would be much quieter and would make sleeping earlier a lot easier.
I wish I could go back to sleep...........

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Family to Family class

Tonight's Family-to-Family class was awesome, even though the class was really small. I really enjoy the class. It's a nice place to vent and talk about my feelings with Steve's mental illness and at the same time learn more about mental illness in general. It was a lot of fun.

I'm actually getting caught up at work. It has been almost 2 years since I felt like I was caught up at work. With so many people appealing lately, we have been bogged down with appeal cases. I am really enjoying work right now since I am feeling accomplished when I leave. I used to feel that I was just shuffling work around and not really getting anything done.

Missee and I started watching Charmed together. I have all 8 seasons on DVD and so far we have watched all of the first season and only have a few episodes left in the second season. It's so much fun to watch the show with Prue and to see how much Piper and Phoebe have changed since the beginning of the series. Phoebe had changed so much since the first season. She was always dressing frumpy and not cute. Luckily she changed her style and started wearing much cuter outfits later on. I LOVE CHARMED!!!!! That is still my favorite tv show of all time. I think I started liking the show much better after Prue left. I'm not a big fan of Shannen Doherty so Prue was my least favorite character. If you live near me and haven't seen Charmed, or you also love the show Charmed I can always bring my DVD's of the show over.........I love watching the episodes, even if I've seen them multiple times.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Not even close to being tired. Why can;t it be Friday so I can sleep in tomorow?

Why am I still up? I have to get up at 6 for work tomorrow and so I should have been asleep a few hours ago. I am having a hard time going to sleep lately, but not much of a problem staying asleep. I would like to take something to sleep, but refuse to take something that I could possibly become addicted to. I have never abused drugs (legal or illegal) and I don't want to start now.
I normally like anniversaries but in about 22 days it will be an anniversary of something I wished had never happened. I'm thinking I might take that day off work so I wont have to worry about crying all day. I wish that no one ever had to go through losing a baby, but unfortunately a lot of women do. My mom lost a baby when she was about seven months pregnant. There was no reason for the death of my sister. When she was delivered (stillborn of course) my mom said she looked like a normal baby. Why did she die then? Why did my mom have to go through that? It will have been 27 years ago on June 14th that my mom lost Angel Marie (the name really fits her). I wanted a sister so bad that I used to get mad that God had taken my sister. I was lucky that 10 years later my mom had my only (living of course) sister, Missee. I am so grateful for Missee everyday. She is a ray of sunshine in my otherwise dreary life right now. I love her dearly and am glad that she is my sister.
I can't procrastinate sleep any longer so.....good night.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

My mom and her friend Pam started teaching the "Family - to - Family" class again. The class is one of the classes that NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness offers. The class is for friends, family members or anyone who wants to learn more about mental illness and how to cope with a friend or family member's illness. It is an awesome 12 week class and it's my third time taking the class (each time my mom and Pam were the teachers). Because of budget cuts the Utah State government is cutting back in all departments. Unfortunately, the mental health and substance abuse programs are being hit the hardest. The Utah State Governor’s budget recommends that 70% of the cuts from the Department of Human Services come from the Division of Substance Abuse and Mental Health. Furthermore, the Legislature is requesting much deeper cuts -- a 15% cut from each Department. (the last two sentences were from the NAMI Utah webpage). Because of what Steve is going through right now I really don't want them to cut as much as they are proposing. The people who can't get help through the State programs will have to get help other ways, and most of them will probably end up in prisons or homeless or even dead. I really wish people would treat mental illness the same as they do with breast cancer, heart disease, diabetes, etc. That's my wish for this world - no more stigma when it comes to mental illness and that it would be more accessible to get help when it''s needed.

The saga continues

Steve is still not home. He will be gone for over a month by the time he comes home. I really miss him and hope he is home soon. I've seen very little of my step son since Steve went into the hospital. Since I'm only a step parent I have no rights. Luckily Steve's ex wife was nice enough to let my in-laws have Hunter for about three hours on January 3rd. She really didn't have to do that and I was very grateful that she did. I'm trying really hard to make sure things stay civil between Steve and his ex. I really would hate to see Hunter turn out the way my cousin did. Her mom used her to get back at her dad and now I think she's a little bitter towards her dad and mom. Parents should NEVER use their child to punish their ex-spouse. The child has nothing to do with the reason for the divorce and so they should not be involved with it in any way.