Sunday, March 29, 2009

Not wanting it to end......

I just finished reading the seventh Harry Potter book. I started from book one and read them all to book seven. The first time I read book seven I went through a grieving process as I realized that there would be no more Harry Poter books to look forward to reading, no books to stay up all night reading from front to back, no more exciting adventures of Harry, Ron and Hermoine. I just felt a little like that again after finishing the book again. I remember that my mom, sister and I would wait everytime a new was being released and becoming more and more excited for it to be released. Then we would have to decide who got to read it first, second and last. Missee was supposed to read the sixth book first but she had started reading the series over again and was not even halfway through the fifth book. I decided to read the sixth book right when we got it so I could finish before she was ready to read it. Missee and I picked up the book at the midnight sale and got home with it by about 1. I started reading the book as soon as we got home and read through the night/early morning (only falling alseep for a few minutes at a time but not too often). I ended up finishing the book around 11 am the next morning. That was the first time I had ever had an energy drink. I was so tired but knew I couldn't sleep until that night or I would throw off my sleep schedule. Dustin and Mindi bought me a LARGE energy drink. I drank it with some difficuly (too sugary) and stayed awake until that night when I was able to sleep.

I miss Harry Potter......

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Big Love

I don't subscribe to HBO or watch the show "Big Love" but my dad and sister do. When I heard about the episode that was to show parts of a Temple Endowment ceremony I was understandably upset, being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I didn't want to watch the show, but since my sister TiVos the show she had my mom and I watch the parts in question.

I felt sick to my stomach watching it. They showed parts of a VERY sacred religious ceremony that is very dear to myself and other members of my faith. HBO said that showing the Temple ceremony was important to the storyline. I felt that it wasn't. If they wanted to show the things but not have any words it may have offended me less. One funny thing was that the character who went through the temple (Jeanne Tripplehorn's character) and her mother and sister were told that their 15 minutes in the Celestial Room were up.

The major problem I had with them showing parts of the ceremony was that for non-members it would be out of context. The show wasn't able to convey the feelings you get while in the Temple.

I've thought a lot about this and realized that it is similar to a part from the movie "My Cousin Vinny". In it Ralph Macchio's character is asked when he shot the clerk and he replies in disbelief "I shot the clerk? I shot the clerk?" When that statement is read into record during the trial it sounded like he was confessing. His words were taken out of context the same as the Temple Endowment ceremony could be taken out of context by non-members.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


Steve is finally home! He was discharged from the Residential Unit on Monday. This has been a hard time for both of us but I know that our marriage will just get stronger from this experience.

Before Steve went into the hospital in December we both decided to pray about if we needed to move closer to my work (South Jordan) or stay were we are. Steve said that his answer was to stay in Ogden. I was torn, I love our place and our neighborhood but didn't like being away from my husband for 15 hours a day Monday through Friday. I had been praying about it but no answer. When Steve was admitted to the hospital I realized that I had gotten my answer. Because of my long commute everyday I wasn't home long enough after work before I had to go to bed. Because of the little amount of time that Steve and I spent together during the week I didn't notice the signs. If I would have been home longer every night I could have possibly figured out what was going on and stopped it before it went as far as hospitalization. It is one of my greatest regrets. I feel that I am a horrible wife for not noticing what was going on with him (lack of sleep, aggitation, oneriness) .

I have an appointment with a counselor on Monday after work. Hopefully it will help with my guilt and depression.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009 it here yet?

Steve gets to come home for the weekend on Thursday and doesn't have to go back until Sunday night. He may possibly be discharged next weekend or the weekend after. I'm really excited for him to be home for good, but I can patiently wait for the next couple of weeks to come.
Last weekend we got to spend time with Hunter. We took him to my nephew's, Russell, birthday party at Jungle Jim's Playland. It was a lot of fun and tiring at the same time. My niece, Violet, fell asleep on one of the rides, it was adorable!
I am trying to take some time off next week so I don't have to be to work on the one year anniversary of my miscarriage. I'm afraid that I'll be too emotional to work. I made an journal right after it happened so that I would have the entire experience down on paper (the reasoning was that if it was on the paper it wouldn't be inside me anymore and I could heal). I still remember certain things vividly. The worst was that after I realized that I was losing the baby I tried to call my mom. I figure that since I had stopped crying I would be able to tell her what was going on. Fat chance. I told her and started sobbing so I had to get off the phone.
I actually could have died if I hadn't gone to the ER. I was losing so much blood that I had to have a D&C. The OB/GYN said that my body was trying to "get rid" of everything and there was something that was not being "flushed out" so I would have bled to death. I almost had to have a blood transfusion. Steve sat there thinking that he was watching me die. Because of the large amount of blood that I lost I was VERY weak and it took SOOOO much energy to get up and walk the 25 feet to the bathroom.
Sorry if this was too graphic for some, but it is a little therapeutic to write this kind of stuff down.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Not fun

I'm so not having fun right now. It's been almost a year since I suffered my miscarriage, Steve's still not home, work is just plain sucks right now.