Since Steve's most recent hospitalization, I've had a lot of people asking some questions about it. Instead of writing to anyone individually, the same story over and over again, I'm writing this post to let everyone know. I wont be going into a lot of his past, mostly the last 14 years since we met.
When we met, Steve didn't tell me about his mental illness at first (who would??) and when he did I was momentarily scared since I've never dated anyone with an MI. But I got over it pretty quickly and realized it was just a portion of him and not all of who he was. He had only been hospitalized once - the Christmas before his son was born, and had been stabilized for a few years when we met.
The first couple of years of our marriage went by uneventfully (other than my miscarriage) and a couple of months after our 2nd anniversary Steve was admitted for the first time, in our marriage. He spent the last couple of weeks of December and a week of January before he was discharged. I knew that when they discharged him he wasn't ready to come home yet so he ended up going into Residential care (through the county since my insurance didn't cover residential treatment). He spent the next 3 months in their care, just coming home for the weekends.
Over the next several years, he would go in to the hospital once a year or less. His stays were just a couple of weeks and then he'd be home. Until, the medication stopped working for him. It still worked for him to be stable at home but they couldn't do much with the meds to "wake him up" so at that time he started on ECT (electric convulsive therapy - much more humane than it used to be - nothing like "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest depiction) and for the past 4 years or so it was the only thing to "wake him up".
This last hospitalization he was in for most of October and they felt he was safe to be discharged but we brought him back a little over a week later and had him readmitted. He's been there ever since and hopefully will be home in time for Thanksgiving.
Over the past 11 years of Steve's multiple hospitalizations we've realized some of his signs he needed to be hospitalized. For some reason (still unknown to us) he really struggles from August until December. Many times if we can get through those months without any issues - he wont need to be hospitalized. During January to July the only times he needs to be hospitalized is related to another issue (being diagnosed with cancer so he stops sleeping or he gets anxious over something not important and not able to keep his pills down) .
He doesn't get suicidal that often (at least not as he's told me) and he's never wanted to hurt others. When people see him at the hospital (the people who work there) they see a guy over 6 feet tall and over 300 pounds and he looks like he could be aggressive and violent. After seeing him for a little bit they realize that he's just the biggest teddy bear. He's so gentle and would rather hurt himself than anyone else. The staff at UNI always tell me how much they love him and how sweet he is.
Steve seriously is the greatest guy. He loves animals, his son, his family (and mine), he loves to help others and cook. He's funny, he is a great cook, he takes care of me and Lily, he tries to take care of my car (as I'm clueless about car maintenance).
What I'm getting at is that he is more than his mental illness. He's the best husband I could ask for and a great friend. Everyone who knows him should feel grateful to be a part of his life.
I hope this answers some questions people have. I hate stigma related to mental illnesses and that's why I'm being so open about this. I hope this helps understand a bit of what he's going through right now.
