Life can be hard sometimes.....and sometimes it really hits you hard all at once

So last night Steve and I went to visit my Dad since we wouldn't be able to see him for Father's day. Because this is not our weekend with Hunter we only get Hunter from 9-7 so we had to leave our place at 8 in order to be at his house to pick him up in time. and since we'd be up in Ogden and would be going to Lisa and Cody's for dinner and then would need to take Hunter home at 7 it made no sense to drive all the way back to Salt Lake AND then back up to Ogden again. That would be TOO much gas and wear and tear on the car. 

So it was a nice visit and we gave my dad his card and gift (a gift card to Best Buy - he's hard to buy a gift for so it's easier to give him a gift card so he can buy what he wants). He had to go downstairs to work on some stuff so we were talking and Missee and Violet were playing with Playdoh. They were putting it onViolet's face and then laughing at the "face" imprint (I didn't see the imprint very well). Sometimes I think Missee reverts to a child when playing with her daughter. It's adorable. Violet came over and asked Steve to take his glasses off (so she could smoosh Playdoh on his face to get an imprint of his face) and when he refused she smooshed my face (with my glasses still on). I had oily smears on my glasses from the Playdoh so I excused myself to wash my glasses. 

Steve and I have been having some really bad financial problems lately, mostly due to his cancer diagnosis last year and the medical treatment that followed and also his car being stolen and having to get a new car. As I was washing my glasses (without soap, which I needed to clean my glasses) I kept thinking that I just needed a good cry but I wasn't hardly ever alone where I could just go.  Just when I was thinking of this (and nowhere near crying) my sister opened the bathroom door and asked if I was going to the bathroom or just washing my glasses. I told her I was just washing my glasses and she asked if she could use the bathroom while I was washing my glasses (yes with me still in the bathroom - we do this often, my mom sister and I and we think nothing of it) and at that moment the tears started coming and Missee asked me if I was okay. 

We went into her bedroom and I was alone for a little bit just crying. Then she came back in and we started talking. I told her about the financial issue we've been going through. About how I work overtime to get a big paycheck and a day or 2 after payday the check is gone to bills and maybe (if we're lucky) to buy some groceries. How we hadn't been able to do laundry for almost a week since we were out of laundry soap. How it was my High School 20th Reunion on Friday night and I had wanted to go (but didn't partly because of the cost - $90 for Steve and I - and partly because the people I really wanted to see weren't going) even though I didn't graduate from High School, but I had gone to that High School until half way through my Junior Year. The not going to the reunion wasn't what had bothered me really. The Reunion was all over the Facebook page for the 1996 graduating class page for my High School. For the past week, or so, people have been posting pictures from High School. Prom Pictures, Girls Preference, Husky Howl (girls choice but not a dress up, usually everyone wore jeans and each couple wore matching shirts), cheer camp, choir trips, spring break, etc. It made me realize how much I missed out on leaving High School, and even when I went to High School, that I didn't have a large group of friends like a lot of the people did. There were dance pictures with 20 couples or more in it. I only went to one school dance, I asked a guy from another school and I didn't go in a group. I never got asked to a fancy dance. I never got to wear a fancy dress. I always wanted to go to Prom. Then people posted graduation pictures. 

Missee and I talked about how much both of us missed out on in our "High School Experience" and she kept hugging me and telling me she loved me and scratching my back, and just being overly sweet to me. It was just a hard day yesterday. 

Oh, and we're upside down on our car. It still doesn't make sense to me that the sticker price was a little over $15,000 and we put $2,000 down so it should have put it to $13,000. So why was our loan for almost $19,000? We still owe $15,000 and our car is only worth $10,000 and that is a year after we bought it! We pay over $350 a month for our car payment and it's killing us! ARGH! I think I need to cry again....but maybe I'll wait until the bills from Steve's next procedure (scheduled for August or September) come in. 

Birthday Party

On Saturday afternoon Steve and I went to my parent's house for a joint birthday party for my brother, Dustin, and my nephew, Jaxon. Jaxon just turned 13 (and has a voice to match....I can't believe that he's sounding so mature) and Dustin.....Dustin is older than me, but he doesn't want his age on the internet. It was really nice to have everyone there at my parents house for the party, just missing my stepson Hunter. 
I love when BJ and Katie are in town (from Cali), and I just wish I could see them more often. 
It's always fun (and LOUD) when all my family gets together. With about six different conversations going on at the same time. It is always funny when most of the conversations end around the same time and only one continues on and everyone gets to hear the end of that conversation. BJ hates when it's his conversation that everyone is listening to. 
Steve and I stayed until everyone left (everyone except my nieces and nephews Hailey, Jaxon, Trace and Violet who were staying with Grandma and Grandpa while their parents went out). I saw pictures on Facebook of their night out (Dustin, BJ, Missee, Katie, Taylor - Dustin's GF) and some of their friends having fun, and I realized that all of my siblings get together more often that I ever see them. I see Missee the most, and mostly because I invite her over to spend the night, or she comes over to hang out after I've watched Violet for her. Missee hardly every calls me to ask me to hang out. My brothers only ask me to be a designated driver, but never to go out with them. 
I think it might be that when they go out all they really do is go to bars and drink and they know I don't do that...but why can't they do something once in a while to that would allow me to come with them. Once every few months going out to dinner and inviting me along? I miss spending time with them.