Hooray!

Steve is finally home! He was discharged from the Residential Unit on Monday. This has been a hard time for both of us but I know that our marriage will just get stronger from this experience.

Before Steve went into the hospital in December we both decided to pray about if we needed to move closer to my work (South Jordan) or stay were we are. Steve said that his answer was to stay in Ogden. I was torn, I love our place and our neighborhood but didn't like being away from my husband for 15 hours a day Monday through Friday. I had been praying about it but no answer. When Steve was admitted to the hospital I realized that I had gotten my answer. Because of my long commute everyday I wasn't home long enough after work before I had to go to bed. Because of the little amount of time that Steve and I spent together during the week I didn't notice the signs. If I would have been home longer every night I could have possibly figured out what was going on and stopped it before it went as far as hospitalization. It is one of my greatest regrets. I feel that I am a horrible wife for not noticing what was going on with him (lack of sleep, aggitation, oneriness) .

I have an appointment with a counselor on Monday after work. Hopefully it will help with my guilt and depression.

Weekend....is it here yet?

Steve gets to come home for the weekend on Thursday and doesn't have to go back until Sunday night. He may possibly be discharged next weekend or the weekend after. I'm really excited for him to be home for good, but I can patiently wait for the next couple of weeks to come.
Last weekend we got to spend time with Hunter. We took him to my nephew's, Russell, birthday party at Jungle Jim's Playland. It was a lot of fun and tiring at the same time. My niece, Violet, fell asleep on one of the rides, it was adorable!
I am trying to take some time off next week so I don't have to be to work on the one year anniversary of my miscarriage. I'm afraid that I'll be too emotional to work. I made an journal right after it happened so that I would have the entire experience down on paper (the reasoning was that if it was on the paper it wouldn't be inside me anymore and I could heal). I still remember certain things vividly. The worst was that after I realized that I was losing the baby I tried to call my mom. I figure that since I had stopped crying I would be able to tell her what was going on. Fat chance. I told her and started sobbing so I had to get off the phone.
I actually could have died if I hadn't gone to the ER. I was losing so much blood that I had to have a D&C. The OB/GYN said that my body was trying to "get rid" of everything and there was something that was not being "flushed out" so I would have bled to death. I almost had to have a blood transfusion. Steve sat there thinking that he was watching me die. Because of the large amount of blood that I lost I was VERY weak and it took SOOOO much energy to get up and walk the 25 feet to the bathroom.
Sorry if this was too graphic for some, but it is a little therapeutic to write this kind of stuff down.

Not fun

I'm so not having fun right now. It's been almost a year since I suffered my miscarriage, Steve's still not home, work is stressful......life just plain sucks right now.

24...and more

My parents and sister are OBSESSED with 24. I would like to get involved in watching it but......it is TOOOOOO intense to handle. My parents and sister are watching the show right now and it's really intense. I could not handle watching this every week. I would have to watch the entire season in one sitting. I don't think that I would even be able to take a bathroom break.

I've got my mom and sister to watch Charmed! Missee already liked it but my mom resisted. We finally got her to watch the show and she's actually kind of enjoying it so far. We are currently in the middle of the third season. Only half a season left before Prue dies....... I really didn't like the character of Prue as much as Phoebe and Piper. I love the show though, and wish it wasn't over.

The weekend is over....

I had a good weekend with Steve. He's getting better everyday. We were able to see Tim (Steve's brother-in-law), Carrie (Steve's sister) and Daniel (Tim and Carrie's son). Steve had so much fun playing with Daniel. He was so cute with Daniel and Daniel was sad when we left. It made Steve miss his son Hunter even more.

I don't want to work tomorrow, but unfortunately I have to. I hate waking up early, I am such a night owl that I hate waking up so early. Hopefully work will go by quickly tomorrow.

The weekend is FINALLY here

Steve gets to come home for an overnight visit tomorrow! I am so excited, I just wish that he was coming home for good, but I know that he's not ready t come home yet. Soon, but not yet.

I had dinner at Roosters with Brad, Camille, Barbara, Carrie, Tim and Daniel. It was really nice and I had a lot of fun with them. I just wish Steve could have been there. Daniel is so cute, he kept asking for a cheeseburger and then when he finally got it he ate the pickles and a few fries. He's over 2 years old, but he looks and talks like he's 3 years old.

Our Christmas tree is still up and I'm thinking Steve and I will take it down on Sunday. I wanted to keep it up until Steve came home and we could have Christmas with Hunter but I think it's time for it to come down. I'll miss the tree but it's time.

Publish Post

Refund!

I got our Tax refund deposited today! I used the ENTIRE amount to pay down the credit card. We were thinking we were going to get more money back, but we got less than expected. At least we have a lower balance on the card. It is much better to pay down the card and have less interest than to use the refund for something fun and impractical. Oh well.