I went to a dinner tonight to celebrate my father-in-law's retirement, at Maddox Ranch House. IT was nice to see a lot of Steve's family. The food was delicious (and I have leftovers for work tomorrow) and now we are at my in-law's house to watch the rivalry game - University of Utah versus Brigham Young University (U of U vs BYU and I'm cheering for U of U and everyone else here is cheering for BYU).
Right before we left to go to dinner I was getting up and noticed that my middle left side of my back was hurting. The more I moved around and tweaked it the more I came to the conclusion that I think I have a muscle spasm. I've only had a muscle spasm one other time, and it was PAINFUL!! This one is taking my breath away. IF it doesn't get better by tomorrow night (I CAN'T miss work) then I think I'll be visiting the Urgent Care. As if we don't already have too many medical bills as it is!
I've been working a lot of overtime lately (one week I worked almost 20 hours of OT - but that was because I had the entire next week off and so I was trying to get enough OT on my check as I could) and some days I can't stand being at work for the whole 8 hours and other days I hardly even notice the passage of time and before I know it I've been at work for over 10 hours. I wish it was more like that - then I'd get a lot of work done and a lot of overtime!
Thursday, August 29, 2019
Thursday, August 15, 2019
I've been in a bit of a funk lately and some days feel near tears for most of the day. Yesterday was a really bad day where I just wanted to scream at the top of my lung on my drive home. I was agitated and was driving angry. By the time I got home I had calmed down so I was no longer angry, but sad.
I really don't feel talking to a therapist would be the right thing since I feel I only need to talk to someone while in a funk - and all the other times I wouldn't know what to talk about. But yesterday, before I got home, I actually thought what would happen if I was gone and it didn't sound so bad. I thought about no longer seeing/hearing all the evil in the world, I wouldn't have to work so many hours just to keep our heads above water - and it still not being enough. I wouldn't have to have the medical conditions and chronic pain I've been experiencing lately (getting old sucks). I just am really not enjoying being an adult anymore.
I really don't feel talking to a therapist would be the right thing since I feel I only need to talk to someone while in a funk - and all the other times I wouldn't know what to talk about. But yesterday, before I got home, I actually thought what would happen if I was gone and it didn't sound so bad. I thought about no longer seeing/hearing all the evil in the world, I wouldn't have to work so many hours just to keep our heads above water - and it still not being enough. I wouldn't have to have the medical conditions and chronic pain I've been experiencing lately (getting old sucks). I just am really not enjoying being an adult anymore.
Sunday, August 4, 2019
It's been a long time......
WOW! It has been a couple of years since I've posted in my blog. It seems that Facebook has become a blog of sort for most people. Well, I hope to write more on this page.
What has happened in the 3+ years since I last posted?...…….
Steve and I moved to Layton Utah. There was a couple of reasons for the move.
We love our townhouse in Layton, which has a "backyard" (shared with neighbors and not completely fenced in) so Lily can run around.
Hunter went on his first date (Prom 2019), turned 16 (May, 2019), got a job (just recently). He's going to be a Junior at his High School next year (which starts later this month).
I'm now in my 40's (turned 40 in 2018) and my body, sometimes, feels like I'm 80. I wasn't as upset about turning 40 as I was when I turned 30. My 30th birthday sucked since no one mentioned it at work, I got hardly any texts from my family to wish me a happy birthday. Also, it was less than 2 months after my miscarriage, which was THE hardest thing I have ever had to go through. So...30 sucked, 40 was awesome!
What has happened in the 3+ years since I last posted?...…….
Steve and I moved to Layton Utah. There was a couple of reasons for the move.
- Our rent got to be too expensive and would most likely continue going up each year.
- We wanted to move between to North Ogden, where Hunter lives, and Sandy, where I work. We had lived so close to my work for 8years so it was Steve's turn to get a shorter commute.
- The rental prices in Layton was much cheaper than it was almost anywhere in the Salt Lake area. At least it was in what we were looking for. We needed at least a 2 bedroom that would allow pets (Lily is going nowhere) and was at least 1000 square foot.
- For some reason, while looking for a place between Bountiful and Roy I kept thinking about Layton and just having a good feeling at living there.
We love our townhouse in Layton, which has a "backyard" (shared with neighbors and not completely fenced in) so Lily can run around.
Hunter went on his first date (Prom 2019), turned 16 (May, 2019), got a job (just recently). He's going to be a Junior at his High School next year (which starts later this month).
I'm now in my 40's (turned 40 in 2018) and my body, sometimes, feels like I'm 80. I wasn't as upset about turning 40 as I was when I turned 30. My 30th birthday sucked since no one mentioned it at work, I got hardly any texts from my family to wish me a happy birthday. Also, it was less than 2 months after my miscarriage, which was THE hardest thing I have ever had to go through. So...30 sucked, 40 was awesome!
Sunday, June 19, 2016
Life can be hard sometimes.....and sometimes it really hits you hard all at once
So last night Steve and I went to visit my Dad since we wouldn't be able to see him for Father's day. Because this is not our weekend with Hunter we only get Hunter from 9-7 so we had to leave our place at 8 in order to be at his house to pick him up in time. and since we'd be up in Ogden and would be going to Lisa and Cody's for dinner and then would need to take Hunter home at 7 it made no sense to drive all the way back to Salt Lake AND then back up to Ogden again. That would be TOO much gas and wear and tear on the car.
So it was a nice visit and we gave my dad his card and gift (a gift card to Best Buy - he's hard to buy a gift for so it's easier to give him a gift card so he can buy what he wants). He had to go downstairs to work on some stuff so we were talking and Missee and Violet were playing with Playdoh. They were putting it onViolet's face and then laughing at the "face" imprint (I didn't see the imprint very well). Sometimes I think Missee reverts to a child when playing with her daughter. It's adorable. Violet came over and asked Steve to take his glasses off (so she could smoosh Playdoh on his face to get an imprint of his face) and when he refused she smooshed my face (with my glasses still on). I had oily smears on my glasses from the Playdoh so I excused myself to wash my glasses.
Steve and I have been having some really bad financial problems lately, mostly due to his cancer diagnosis last year and the medical treatment that followed and also his car being stolen and having to get a new car. As I was washing my glasses (without soap, which I needed to clean my glasses) I kept thinking that I just needed a good cry but I wasn't hardly ever alone where I could just go. Just when I was thinking of this (and nowhere near crying) my sister opened the bathroom door and asked if I was going to the bathroom or just washing my glasses. I told her I was just washing my glasses and she asked if she could use the bathroom while I was washing my glasses (yes with me still in the bathroom - we do this often, my mom sister and I and we think nothing of it) and at that moment the tears started coming and Missee asked me if I was okay.
We went into her bedroom and I was alone for a little bit just crying. Then she came back in and we started talking. I told her about the financial issue we've been going through. About how I work overtime to get a big paycheck and a day or 2 after payday the check is gone to bills and maybe (if we're lucky) to buy some groceries. How we hadn't been able to do laundry for almost a week since we were out of laundry soap. How it was my High School 20th Reunion on Friday night and I had wanted to go (but didn't partly because of the cost - $90 for Steve and I - and partly because the people I really wanted to see weren't going) even though I didn't graduate from High School, but I had gone to that High School until half way through my Junior Year. The not going to the reunion wasn't what had bothered me really. The Reunion was all over the Facebook page for the 1996 graduating class page for my High School. For the past week, or so, people have been posting pictures from High School. Prom Pictures, Girls Preference, Husky Howl (girls choice but not a dress up, usually everyone wore jeans and each couple wore matching shirts), cheer camp, choir trips, spring break, etc. It made me realize how much I missed out on leaving High School, and even when I went to High School, that I didn't have a large group of friends like a lot of the people did. There were dance pictures with 20 couples or more in it. I only went to one school dance, I asked a guy from another school and I didn't go in a group. I never got asked to a fancy dance. I never got to wear a fancy dress. I always wanted to go to Prom. Then people posted graduation pictures.
Missee and I talked about how much both of us missed out on in our "High School Experience" and she kept hugging me and telling me she loved me and scratching my back, and just being overly sweet to me. It was just a hard day yesterday.
Oh, and we're upside down on our car. It still doesn't make sense to me that the sticker price was a little over $15,000 and we put $2,000 down so it should have put it to $13,000. So why was our loan for almost $19,000? We still owe $15,000 and our car is only worth $10,000 and that is a year after we bought it! We pay over $350 a month for our car payment and it's killing us! ARGH! I think I need to cry again....but maybe I'll wait until the bills from Steve's next procedure (scheduled for August or September) come in.
So it was a nice visit and we gave my dad his card and gift (a gift card to Best Buy - he's hard to buy a gift for so it's easier to give him a gift card so he can buy what he wants). He had to go downstairs to work on some stuff so we were talking and Missee and Violet were playing with Playdoh. They were putting it onViolet's face and then laughing at the "face" imprint (I didn't see the imprint very well). Sometimes I think Missee reverts to a child when playing with her daughter. It's adorable. Violet came over and asked Steve to take his glasses off (so she could smoosh Playdoh on his face to get an imprint of his face) and when he refused she smooshed my face (with my glasses still on). I had oily smears on my glasses from the Playdoh so I excused myself to wash my glasses.
Steve and I have been having some really bad financial problems lately, mostly due to his cancer diagnosis last year and the medical treatment that followed and also his car being stolen and having to get a new car. As I was washing my glasses (without soap, which I needed to clean my glasses) I kept thinking that I just needed a good cry but I wasn't hardly ever alone where I could just go. Just when I was thinking of this (and nowhere near crying) my sister opened the bathroom door and asked if I was going to the bathroom or just washing my glasses. I told her I was just washing my glasses and she asked if she could use the bathroom while I was washing my glasses (yes with me still in the bathroom - we do this often, my mom sister and I and we think nothing of it) and at that moment the tears started coming and Missee asked me if I was okay.
We went into her bedroom and I was alone for a little bit just crying. Then she came back in and we started talking. I told her about the financial issue we've been going through. About how I work overtime to get a big paycheck and a day or 2 after payday the check is gone to bills and maybe (if we're lucky) to buy some groceries. How we hadn't been able to do laundry for almost a week since we were out of laundry soap. How it was my High School 20th Reunion on Friday night and I had wanted to go (but didn't partly because of the cost - $90 for Steve and I - and partly because the people I really wanted to see weren't going) even though I didn't graduate from High School, but I had gone to that High School until half way through my Junior Year. The not going to the reunion wasn't what had bothered me really. The Reunion was all over the Facebook page for the 1996 graduating class page for my High School. For the past week, or so, people have been posting pictures from High School. Prom Pictures, Girls Preference, Husky Howl (girls choice but not a dress up, usually everyone wore jeans and each couple wore matching shirts), cheer camp, choir trips, spring break, etc. It made me realize how much I missed out on leaving High School, and even when I went to High School, that I didn't have a large group of friends like a lot of the people did. There were dance pictures with 20 couples or more in it. I only went to one school dance, I asked a guy from another school and I didn't go in a group. I never got asked to a fancy dance. I never got to wear a fancy dress. I always wanted to go to Prom. Then people posted graduation pictures.
Missee and I talked about how much both of us missed out on in our "High School Experience" and she kept hugging me and telling me she loved me and scratching my back, and just being overly sweet to me. It was just a hard day yesterday.
Oh, and we're upside down on our car. It still doesn't make sense to me that the sticker price was a little over $15,000 and we put $2,000 down so it should have put it to $13,000. So why was our loan for almost $19,000? We still owe $15,000 and our car is only worth $10,000 and that is a year after we bought it! We pay over $350 a month for our car payment and it's killing us! ARGH! I think I need to cry again....but maybe I'll wait until the bills from Steve's next procedure (scheduled for August or September) come in.
Sunday, May 22, 2016
Birthday Party
On Saturday afternoon Steve and I went to my parent's house for a joint birthday party for my brother, Dustin, and my nephew, Jaxon. Jaxon just turned 13 (and has a voice to match....I can't believe that he's sounding so mature) and Dustin.....Dustin is older than me, but he doesn't want his age on the internet. It was really nice to have everyone there at my parents house for the party, just missing my stepson Hunter.
I love when BJ and Katie are in town (from Cali), and I just wish I could see them more often.
It's always fun (and LOUD) when all my family gets together. With about six different conversations going on at the same time. It is always funny when most of the conversations end around the same time and only one continues on and everyone gets to hear the end of that conversation. BJ hates when it's his conversation that everyone is listening to.
Steve and I stayed until everyone left (everyone except my nieces and nephews Hailey, Jaxon, Trace and Violet who were staying with Grandma and Grandpa while their parents went out). I saw pictures on Facebook of their night out (Dustin, BJ, Missee, Katie, Taylor - Dustin's GF) and some of their friends having fun, and I realized that all of my siblings get together more often that I ever see them. I see Missee the most, and mostly because I invite her over to spend the night, or she comes over to hang out after I've watched Violet for her. Missee hardly every calls me to ask me to hang out. My brothers only ask me to be a designated driver, but never to go out with them.
I think it might be that when they go out all they really do is go to bars and drink and they know I don't do that...but why can't they do something once in a while to that would allow me to come with them. Once every few months going out to dinner and inviting me along? I miss spending time with them.
I love when BJ and Katie are in town (from Cali), and I just wish I could see them more often.
It's always fun (and LOUD) when all my family gets together. With about six different conversations going on at the same time. It is always funny when most of the conversations end around the same time and only one continues on and everyone gets to hear the end of that conversation. BJ hates when it's his conversation that everyone is listening to.
Steve and I stayed until everyone left (everyone except my nieces and nephews Hailey, Jaxon, Trace and Violet who were staying with Grandma and Grandpa while their parents went out). I saw pictures on Facebook of their night out (Dustin, BJ, Missee, Katie, Taylor - Dustin's GF) and some of their friends having fun, and I realized that all of my siblings get together more often that I ever see them. I see Missee the most, and mostly because I invite her over to spend the night, or she comes over to hang out after I've watched Violet for her. Missee hardly every calls me to ask me to hang out. My brothers only ask me to be a designated driver, but never to go out with them.
I think it might be that when they go out all they really do is go to bars and drink and they know I don't do that...but why can't they do something once in a while to that would allow me to come with them. Once every few months going out to dinner and inviting me along? I miss spending time with them.
Saturday, July 4, 2015
The bad, the good and the ugly.... Part 1...the bad
WARNING!! The following may be graphic, read at your own risk......
In the middle of June my husband, Steve, stared feeling like he had a UTI (urinary tract infection) as it burned when he peed. He delayed going to the doctor until he started having visible blood in his urine. He went to his PCP (primary care physician) and they did a rapid urine test and said there was blood in his urine so they gave him two prescriptions - one to numb him when he peed (called pyridium - not sure of the spelling - that turns the urine orange) and an antibiotic. Then a couple of days later the blood in his urine was worse so off to the ER we went.... The ER stated there was nothing they could do and referred him to a Urologist (and of course his urine sample was "clear" when he gave it at the ER even though all night at home it wasn't and he was also passing blood clots).
I went with Steve to the Urologist and the doctor ordered a CT scan and then after the CT Scan scheduled an in-office scope procedure (to be performed by the Urologist). The weekend before the CT Scan we went back to the ER since the blood in the urine was constant and the blood clots were getting bigger. Steve had a hard time passing a couple of the clots. Since we were worried we went back to the ER. The ER told us the same thing and told us to come back if something was blocking the urethra not allowing him to empty his bladder. qa
Steve had the CT Scan and got a CD of the scan to take to the Urologist. I went with him for the in-office scope procedure and Steve was in a lot of pain during the procedure. The doctor said the bladder was too "murky" so he couldn't visualize much and so he wanted to do a scope in the hospital, outpatient and under anesthesia. He also said the CT scan showed something in the bladder but he wasn't sure what it was and so that's another reason he wanted to do the outpatient procedure.
Steve was scheduled for the outpatient surgery on Monday, June 22nd (the day before we were to leave for the Tetons for our vacation).
We dropped off our puppy, Lily, at the Kennel for our vacation, on the way to Steve's Surgery. We got to the hospital and got him checked in and then waited.......and waited...... and waited some more. He was supposed to be there by 10:30 and we got there early, but he wasn't taken back for surgery until almost noon!
Hunter and I went to the cafeteria and got some lunch (we hadn't had anything to eat all morning and Hunter was acting like he hadn't eaten for days). We ate in the surgery waiting room. I watched tv, checked facebook on my phone and played on my IPod. Finally the desk clerk in the waiting room called my last name and took us to a conference room to wait for the doctor.
The doctor came in (after a few minutes that felt like forever) and sat down near me. He had pictures and one was labeled "prostate" that looked pink and healthy (if pink is healthy - which for internal organs it usually is) and then three pictures of the bladder and something that looked like colorless cotton candy. The doctor then explains the surgery went well but they did find something in the "corner" of his bladder. He took a quick sample and sent it to the pathologist for a quick confirmation of what he was seeing. He then told me that Steve has a tumor in his bladder, a splindle-cell sarcoma. He took a biopsy and sent it for full pathology so we could know more about what treatment options would be for Steve. He said that because of the CT Scan Steve had already had we could see that it hadn't spread anywhere else.
Because of the surgery the doctor wanted Steve to keep his catheter in until he told us to take it out. Before Steve was discharged the nurse taught us how to irrigate it and remove it.
The next morning, around 4AM, Steve woke me up telling me his catheter was leaking and he was in a lot of pain. I tried irrigating it but it just made it worse so off we went to the ER. They changed out his catheter (he had a 18 French in and they put in a bigger one - 20 French) and sent us home. WE ended up going to a 24 hour Pharmacy so I could fill his prescription for pain pills I wasn't able to fill the night before (the pharmacy I went to only had 4 pills and we needed 10) and Steve started saying he was in pain again and then peed his pants. He kept apologizing, but I knew it wasn't his fault. After getting the prescription filled we went back to the ER. They took Steve right back started to change his catheter to a larger size (24 Frrench - the biggest size they have) and they also irrigated the new catheter (and bladder) at the same time and were able to get a lot of blood clots out and by the time they finished irrigating it the urine was mostly clear - no longer tinged red from blood and clots.
We were supposed to go on our vacation that day but we postponed to see if Steve would feel better the following day (Wednesday) or any other day that we could go.
In the middle of June my husband, Steve, stared feeling like he had a UTI (urinary tract infection) as it burned when he peed. He delayed going to the doctor until he started having visible blood in his urine. He went to his PCP (primary care physician) and they did a rapid urine test and said there was blood in his urine so they gave him two prescriptions - one to numb him when he peed (called pyridium - not sure of the spelling - that turns the urine orange) and an antibiotic. Then a couple of days later the blood in his urine was worse so off to the ER we went.... The ER stated there was nothing they could do and referred him to a Urologist (and of course his urine sample was "clear" when he gave it at the ER even though all night at home it wasn't and he was also passing blood clots).
I went with Steve to the Urologist and the doctor ordered a CT scan and then after the CT Scan scheduled an in-office scope procedure (to be performed by the Urologist). The weekend before the CT Scan we went back to the ER since the blood in the urine was constant and the blood clots were getting bigger. Steve had a hard time passing a couple of the clots. Since we were worried we went back to the ER. The ER told us the same thing and told us to come back if something was blocking the urethra not allowing him to empty his bladder. qa
Steve had the CT Scan and got a CD of the scan to take to the Urologist. I went with him for the in-office scope procedure and Steve was in a lot of pain during the procedure. The doctor said the bladder was too "murky" so he couldn't visualize much and so he wanted to do a scope in the hospital, outpatient and under anesthesia. He also said the CT scan showed something in the bladder but he wasn't sure what it was and so that's another reason he wanted to do the outpatient procedure.
Steve was scheduled for the outpatient surgery on Monday, June 22nd (the day before we were to leave for the Tetons for our vacation).
We dropped off our puppy, Lily, at the Kennel for our vacation, on the way to Steve's Surgery. We got to the hospital and got him checked in and then waited.......and waited...... and waited some more. He was supposed to be there by 10:30 and we got there early, but he wasn't taken back for surgery until almost noon!
Hunter and I went to the cafeteria and got some lunch (we hadn't had anything to eat all morning and Hunter was acting like he hadn't eaten for days). We ate in the surgery waiting room. I watched tv, checked facebook on my phone and played on my IPod. Finally the desk clerk in the waiting room called my last name and took us to a conference room to wait for the doctor.
The doctor came in (after a few minutes that felt like forever) and sat down near me. He had pictures and one was labeled "prostate" that looked pink and healthy (if pink is healthy - which for internal organs it usually is) and then three pictures of the bladder and something that looked like colorless cotton candy. The doctor then explains the surgery went well but they did find something in the "corner" of his bladder. He took a quick sample and sent it to the pathologist for a quick confirmation of what he was seeing. He then told me that Steve has a tumor in his bladder, a splindle-cell sarcoma. He took a biopsy and sent it for full pathology so we could know more about what treatment options would be for Steve. He said that because of the CT Scan Steve had already had we could see that it hadn't spread anywhere else.
Because of the surgery the doctor wanted Steve to keep his catheter in until he told us to take it out. Before Steve was discharged the nurse taught us how to irrigate it and remove it.
The next morning, around 4AM, Steve woke me up telling me his catheter was leaking and he was in a lot of pain. I tried irrigating it but it just made it worse so off we went to the ER. They changed out his catheter (he had a 18 French in and they put in a bigger one - 20 French) and sent us home. WE ended up going to a 24 hour Pharmacy so I could fill his prescription for pain pills I wasn't able to fill the night before (the pharmacy I went to only had 4 pills and we needed 10) and Steve started saying he was in pain again and then peed his pants. He kept apologizing, but I knew it wasn't his fault. After getting the prescription filled we went back to the ER. They took Steve right back started to change his catheter to a larger size (24 Frrench - the biggest size they have) and they also irrigated the new catheter (and bladder) at the same time and were able to get a lot of blood clots out and by the time they finished irrigating it the urine was mostly clear - no longer tinged red from blood and clots.
We were supposed to go on our vacation that day but we postponed to see if Steve would feel better the following day (Wednesday) or any other day that we could go.
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Puppy love
We've had our new puppy, Lily, for over a month now. She's a miniature dachshund, short haired, red colored, absolutely adorable. She is a very loving animal, and her bark is cute (at least it is so far as she doesn't bark too much), she is very playful (especially after 9 PM when we're trying to get her to wind down for sleep) but we are having some problems housetraining her (it's difficult to take her out when the snow is almost as tall as her), she is also biting a lot (even while I'm typing this post, my left hand has bitten a couple of times already) but the biting isn't very hard it's mostly her being playful.
I am going to buy some obedience/training classes so that Steve can take her to get trained. She needs the basics, except knowing her name - she already knew that when she came home with us. We picked out her name right after Thanksgiving and told the breeder what we had chosen. The breeder and her family started calling her Lily from that time on so she knew her name when we picked her up.
She is getting bigger every day and in less than a month she will be going in to the Vet's office to be fixed, microchipped and have her dew claws removed (they just get in the way and could possibly cause injuries). We have fallen completely and totally in love with her, as have most our family members. The first night we had her Steve and I had concert tickets (Voicemale in Ogden) and didn't want to leave her alone for her first night.....so she was "puppysat" by my mom, Missee and Violet.
I am going to buy some obedience/training classes so that Steve can take her to get trained. She needs the basics, except knowing her name - she already knew that when she came home with us. We picked out her name right after Thanksgiving and told the breeder what we had chosen. The breeder and her family started calling her Lily from that time on so she knew her name when we picked her up.
She is getting bigger every day and in less than a month she will be going in to the Vet's office to be fixed, microchipped and have her dew claws removed (they just get in the way and could possibly cause injuries). We have fallen completely and totally in love with her, as have most our family members. The first night we had her Steve and I had concert tickets (Voicemale in Ogden) and didn't want to leave her alone for her first night.....so she was "puppysat" by my mom, Missee and Violet.
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